6/11 Tannen's Last African Journal Entry

I left Zambia yesterday and I'm headed to Tokyo, Japan. I had layovers in Jo-berg and Hong Kong and I'm now in the final leg (Hong Kong, China --> Tokyo, Japan). Experiencing some turbulence at the moment, which isn't helping my handwriting that is only marginal to begin with.

I woke up yesterday with a heavy heart since it was immediately on my mind that I had to head to the airport and leave the beautiful, peaceful, lazy, trauma stricken, impoverished, happy, simple people of Zambia (sounds like a contradiction, but I'm not sure that it is). Some parts of Zambia I love and other parts drive me crazy, and the same goes to the people. I love Medryn, her music, and her heart. I love the orphans in Murundu who are so starved for love and attention that they follow me around like I'm the pied piper and shyly hold up their hands for me to take. I love the girls at Pamodzi and Chibote High Schools who have lost parents, aunts, siblings, etc to HIV and Malaria, who have suffered from severe physical, sexual and emotional abuse for most of their lives... yet they still find reason to smile, forgive, and to love G'd and "random" muzungus who find their way to these schools. I love dancing at church and not worrying about what anyone is thinking... I hate the men who molest their own family members, rape babies, and openly cheat on their wives. I hate the greed over money and the corruption that results from it. I hate watching funeral processions and driving by piles of fresh graves. I hate the witchcraft, demon possession, and of course the devil and his cronies... I love Dr Thinus for looking Africa and all its problems squarely in the eyes and continuing to have the courage and hope to do his part -- day after day and year after year -- to bring transformation. I'm proud of my fellow STSers for "being the change that they want to see in the world." I'm also both humbled and blessed to be able to do my part.

Africa has taught me a lot. It hurts to care, and the more I care the more I hurt. I think that lots of people don't want to see or hear about the harder things in life -- because if they know then they might have to care... and if they care the might have to do something about it. And doing something about it might disrupt our cushy, comfortable lives. I think that I prefer to have my life diverge away from "normal" as long as that is what G'd has in mind for me.

Dan was sitting in the van driving home from Kitwe last week and watching the African landscape go by out the window. While he was contemplating some of the heavy issues we have dealt with and the people we have been working with, it occurred him to give it up to G'd. Otherwise the burden is too much. So I think that we need to walk the line -- to care and do our part, but leave the end result to G'd.

I'm curious to see where the next few years will take us. I'm excited about the prospect of starting a small orphanage... I wish so much that Debbie was alive to see it happen because I know she would fall for those kids. I long to see her and to do life alongside her the way we used to. But I'm slowly learning to quit constantly asking "Why?", to seek God's face for the sake of finding HIM instead of to get something in return, and to conform my will to His instead of hoping that the reverse will happen. I have a loooonnnngg way to go.

To all of the prayer warriors: twa totella sana, sana. Lesa amupaule. (If you don't know what that means then you should come to Zambia sometime... or just send me an email and I'll give you the translation :-) ). Keep up the good work!!!!